Does the fear of hunger seem ridiculous to you? I mean, really, who is afraid of hunger? In developed countries you can get take-out at all hours of the night, convenience stores are open 24 hours a day, and many restaurants stay open until 2:00 a.m.
But even with all of that, there is often a very real issue with emotional hunger when you lose weight. Oftentimes it is not physical hunger that we are afraid of, but emotional hunger.
As a 300-pound woman, the feeling of physical hunger was unfamiliar. I literally grazed on food from the minute I woke up in the morning to right before I turned in for the night. I never, ever got physically hungry during those 10 years of obesity.
I did however, get emotionally hungry and I used food as a way to fill that emotional need.
Bored? Eat a few cookies.
Stressed? Grab a spoon and have a few bites of ice cream.
Tired? Chips were the solution for that one.
Anxious? Chocolate always seemed to solve the problem.
Those foods did seem to solve the problem temporarily. But like other temporary solutions to a permanent issue, the feelings of satisfaction that came after I soothed emotions with food quickly faded away.
After I finished off the chips or ice cream the emotions were still there and I still had not addressed the underlying issues.
Not identifying myself as a person who tended to eat based on emotions as well as hunger definitely hindered my weight loss efforts over the years. Even during the times when I successfully lost a few pounds I never once thought about the fact that I was eating when I wasn’t really hungry.
Instead I only focused on eating this or not eating that in an attempt to get the scale to drop. And the scale did drop as long as I followed the plan, but as soon as I had a bad day or something unexpected happened, I turned to food again. And the food I turned to was not carrot sticks, but instead, carrot cake.
I often wonder if I had had read something about emotional eating or had someone I trusted ask me about what role emotions played in my weight if I would have had a “light bulb” moment and started to take steps to stop filling emotional hunger with physical food.
This issue of fearing emotions and feeding emotions with food is sorely under talked about – at least in my experience. I cannot tell you how many people have had that “light bulb” moment when we really get into the reasons why they reach for food when they are not physically hungry. I would encourage you to consider using an emotions journal to try and pinpoint whether or not you are an emotional eater and what emotions push your food buttons.
If you find that emotional eating is a likely source of your weight issues, I hope that you will take some steps to deal with those emotions in a way that does not involve food.
Until you deal with the emotions behind your food choices, you will likely have trouble maintaining any weight loss.
Here are a few strategies that may help you deal with your emotions both during weight loss and into weight maintenance:
Identification
Use a journal to pinpoint times when you are feeling the need to binge, snack unnecessarily, or simply eat when you are not feeling hungry. Ask yourself what the emotion is that you are feeling and what foods you are using to soothe or suppress that emotion.
Strategize
This can be done with the help of a therapist or counselor, or just by yourself. I found that setting a timer for 15 minutes before I ate any food that wasn’t either one of my three meals or planned snack helped me put some distance between the emotions and the food. During the 15 minutes I’d get busy spending time with the kids, talking on the phone, or doing something with my hands. More often than not, when the timer rang, I didn’t eat the unnecessary food, but instead had identified the emotion and found a healthier way to deal with it.
Other strategies can include exercising when you are feeling emotionally stressed, getting out of the house for awhile, talking to a trusted friend, or taking a drive. The key is doing something that enables you to focus on the emotion without involving food.
Monitor
Monitor how you are doing either through journaling or just by asking yourself a simple question each night before you go to bed. “Did I eat from emotional hunger today or was I able to choose foods based on physical hunger?” Touching base with yourself regularly really can help you stay on top of emotional eating.
How do you do with emotions and hunger and do you feel like this is an important issue? Any tips for others? Diane
The winners of my book giveaway were Carrilu and Julie! Congratulations to both of you and best wishes.
This is such an important point and you are exactly right – people do not talk about this as much as they probably should. I know I’m an emotional eater but still haven’t really conquered it. I like your timer tip very much.
I would venture that anyone who has a substantial amount of weight to lose definitely has some kinds of emotional attachments to food as you so rightly describe. I know I do and it is something I am trying to deal with now and not squish under the layers of obesity.
My main emotion that causes me to want to eat is usally worry. I am a worrier by nature and when I get on a worrying roll the food comes out. This is so hard to stop but I’m working on doing something else when I feel worried.
I wonder if men have as many emotional issues with food? I don’t think I’m that much of an emotions guy but I do eat when I’m bored. As a single guy, I do spend time in the evenings watching television and that’s when the chips come out. I guess I need to stop buying ‘em.
Emotions yes!!!! I can so relate to this post and it is something I denied for a long time. Actually, it was reading your book that made me realize for the first time that I really had some emotional things to work through. Thanks and I’ve lost about 30 pounds so far.
I forgot to add that I love the timer trick to. I use the one on my stove when I’m at home and my phone timer when I’m at work.
Diane, I use a lot of the tips and tricks that you used to face emotional hunger. The key for me was stopping before a made the choice and asking myself what is it do I really need? Nine times out of 10 I was either tired or near break.
Another strategy is to ask myself especially at night is “I’m I really hungry? if so I need to make some kale and fish or protein. If the kale, fish or protein sounded good, then I would go ahead and make some. If not then I knew it was emotional eating waiting to strike. At that point I had to walk away from the kitchen, listen to music , go on the computer or go to bed.
Those skills took time and I really had to address them before I could be successful. Great post, as always. Thanks, Diane.
I recently returned to an area where I had lived previously. I rejoined WW, the first meeting I sat down at a round table with about ten people. I looked around and said, you are the same people I sat with twenty years ago. That’s when it struck me there was something more going on than overeating.
Although I agree with all of this, and I appreciate the way you have presented it Diane, after reflecting on years of my own eating patterns by way of my food journals, I realize that hunger of any kind, profound, emotional, or otherwise, is most always avoidable, so long as the planning and preparation for my meals and snacks are in place.
So of all of your suggestions, I feel that journalng would be the most effective since so much information can be gathered and learned from.
In total agreeance, Diane. I don’t think ANYONE more than 20 lbs. overweight isn’t facing emotional eating problems. They have to be addressed. For me, it’s stress or boredom. I’m working hard on this! Thanks!
Having adapted to eating IF warrior style, I basically have no hunger throughout the day, until the evening comes. Then lock up the kids!. Just kidding about the kids part
IF really has made it all so much easier for me. However, IF does not work as well for women.
I remember reading an article by the CEO of a very famous weight loss empire who said, “If I am truly hungry I eat an apple. If I’m not hungry enough to eat an apple, I’m not hungry.” I guess I rarely think about how emotional hunger drives us to the sweet, salty, rich or complex foods and away from healthy eating or abstinence. Thanks, Diane–another great post!
Emotional eating becomes so automatic, that recognizing it in the moment is really hard to do!
I find this when I’m stressed- I automatically start munching. A minute later I realize what I’m doing!
Ugh! Makes me mad! Stopping this habit takes lots of practice.
Before I would get stressed out about work or life and my healthy eating habits went out the door. Now when I’m stressed instead of eating a terrible meal I hit the gym or go for a run. I feel less stressed and look back and am glad I did it.
Another great post. I have found using a daily journal (blog), has been a huge help in my weight loss journey. I usually reread my posts and it helps me make connections I may not have otherwise.
I used to wish that I could freeze and live inside the moment I took a bite of cake. It felt so perfect to taste the chocolate and then in an instant I was back to feeling bad about myself. I’ve learned that exercising and getting endorphins help get me that feeling in way that lasts longer and helps maintain a good mood. But, it’s still a struggle!
I had gotten into a terrible habit of getting up and getting something to eat whenever I was stuck on something I was working on. Now I make a concerted effort not to do that, but it’s an easy habit for me to slip back into.
I’m terrible about mindless eating when I’m tired. If I’m exhausted at night, but still have more that needs to be done, I’ll think if I eat “this” then I will get a burst of energy. Yes, sometimes it motivates me to do more but the extra calories end up making me disappointed in myself.
Another great post
I might try some of your tips as I still turned to food when I am feeling anxious and mad. I am not in denial about it anymore but I am still trying to figure it out. Since you lose the weight do you ever turn to food when you are upset?
So happy about the book!!
Emotional eating strikes more often if I am tired and well……..emotional. The better rested I am the better my chances of being strong enough to pause and try to deal with my feelings. I think it is amazing when I’m tuned in that I get upset as much as I do. I always considered myself pretty in control but really I was masking my true feelings with food. Now I accept that I am a work in progress and it’s okay. It is very freeing to be able to say to myself, “that makes me feel insecure, or hurts my feelings” instead of pretending that I am above all that and then punishing myself later.
Diane,
You wrote this post at a perfect time for me. When I first read it, it followed a night that I had fought giving in to a “stress binge eating.” Blogging about it helped me to not give in, but getting an email alert with this post really drove home that what I was fighting was something that many fight. I so very much apprecaite your inspirational posts. Thank you!!!
Kati
Wow! What a great post!!! So true!!! I eat because I’m mentally bored at times…as a stay at home mom my job can get mundane and the same thing day in and day out! Even though I’m living my dream to be here, your brain gets tired! Lately, I’ve taken to drinking tea when I feel like mindless snacking…caffeine free, herbal…anyway…I’m going to think about this and some of the ways I use and abuse food as a crutch to “help” me get through tough times.
love this post!
Hi Diane!
I really like your 15 minute tip. It’s funny- I have struggled more with emotional eating in the latter part of my journey than in my former where I was 180+lbs heavier. As someone who is almost in the maintenance part of my journey, I find that your blog is a great resource not only for me but I’m sure also for yourself as you get to continue to remind yourself where you came from and to not return to the destructive behaviors of your past. I’m finding myself that this is something I have to continue to do as I near the end of my journey (only 14lbs to go!)
Thanks Diane!