305 pounds was about 150 pounds more than I should have been carrying around as a 5’10” woman in her 20s and 30s. The truth is that walking around with an extra 150 pounds on my frame left me fatigued, tired, frustrated, and quite frankly – disgusted with my appearance and my life.
Every time I started a diet I looked forward to one thing more than almost any other. I looked forward to seeing this number in front of my weight.
The number “1.”
I longed to see 199, I dreamed what it would be like to see 199, I imagined all the good things I would feel if I could just see the “1” in front of my weight. Alas, I tried about 513 diets where I barely got under 300 pounds and never even came close to seeing 199. That was frustrating.
The last time I had seen a “1” in front of my weight was in 1990. I was obese according to medical standards, but at least I weighed 196 and not 296. I got pregnant when I was obese and within the first four weeks of the pregnancy had said “good-bye” to the 100s for a very, very long time.
I still remember watching the nurse clunk the weight thing on the old fashioned scale from the 150 mark to the 200 mark. I thought I was going to die of embarrassment, but managed to hold onto my emotions and not run away! I swore to myself that I wouldn’t gain much weight but of course I didn’t keep that promise to myself and gained 75 pounds, which I never really lost. I started pregnancy number two at about 255 pounds, and pregnancy number three at 279 pounds.
By 1995, I weighed between 275 and 305 pounds, depending on the month and whether or not I was actually trying to lose weight. Honestly, I’m not sure what my highest weight was because our bathroom scale had a 300 pound weight limit. I do know that one time I got brave and jumped on the grocery store scale and gasped internally when I saw the long dial of the scale swing around to 305 pounds.
Those years of weighing over 200 pounds took their toll on me and I hated being that heavy. I felt almost powerfulness against the weight even though I desperately wanted to get back to a healthy weight.
Fortunately, in early 1997 something clicked in my head and I began my journey for real. And I still wanted to see that “1” in front of my weight.
Every time I lost a pound I celebrated inside. When I got below 250 pounds I was so excited that I could have eaten a whole pan of brownies, but I resisted. Little by little the scale inched down. The closer I got to that milestone of 199, the more excited I was.
Finally, after almost a year, it finally happened!
199 on the scale.
I ran back into the bedroom, turned on the light, and whispered kinda loudly to John. “Hey, I weigh 199 this morning. Aren’t you happy for me?” He didn’t move much so I got a little louder and repeated myself. He finally woke up enough to realize what a big deal that was for me and told me congratulations about 100 times!
Some people say, “Don’t worry about the scale.” But for me, I knew that I shouldn’t be weighing over 200 pounds. I wasn’t a college or pro football linebacker or a 6 foot 5 inch tall man. I was a woman, not a linebacker, and not over 6 feet tall. I knew I should weigh under 200 pounds. And I finally did.
From that point on there was no stopping my weight loss efforts. I kept right on walking every day, kept right on eating a healthy diet, and I kept losing weight.
Best of all, my self esteem kept improving, I started to feel more positive about my future, and I got back some of the self confidence that had eroded as my weight ballooned.
I know this is a Scale Victory and we talk a lot about celebrating Non-Scale Victories, but this certainly was not my only victory along the way. There were some of both varieties and every one of them was sweet.
Do you have a goal in mind that will make you jump up and down, wake up the world, and shout it from the rooftops? Have you reached it yet? Diane